Work and Writing I Do Not Do
I think this is a handy page to have on a website. It saves everyone time.
There are certain types of writing I don’t do, certain types of work I don’t do, and certain types of people I don’t work for. Let’s go over them.
Writing I Do Not Do:
Grant Writing, Business Plans, Annual Reports
While I can write dry and professional with the best of them, these simply aren’t my thing. Note: I will write the interesting introduction letter for any of these.
Sorry kids, I’m not doing your schoolwork, even if Mom and Dad said it was ok and gave you the credit card (well wait… how high is the limit?)
Please note that I said graded essays. I will write personal essays for college / med school applications.
I’m always puzzled when people think they can hire a copywriter instead of a lawyer for legal writing. I don’t write terms and conditions, privacy policies, contracts, or anything that needs to be legally bulletproof.
Work I Do Not Do:
I will lay out your work in MS Word. And if I’m writing web copy, I’ll usually make it look like your website. I can also advise you on UI/UX. And while my clients really like this, the graphic design work I just described is more for me than you – it helps me write, and it helps me get my ideas across to a real designer that you have on staff (or have hired.)
I’m an excellent boss… for myself. I’ll handle the writing, but I don’t manage others.
Admin / Process Setup / Anything that Requires a Login
I will write everything. But I deliver it to you in MS Word / PDF docs. So someone on your end needs to get it on the web, into your email service, into your sales funnel, onto Adwords/Facebook, etc. I do all of these things for myself, and I know what’s involved. But I do not do them for clients.
Note: If you become a monthly client, there is a possibility some of this can be part of our work. We’ll talk.
People I Do Not Work For
Note: this is all in good fun. But if you do see yourself here, trust me, you should address that. Shout out to my fellow copywriters too: I know you’ve dealt with every one of these. E-mail me, we’ll talk about them!
The impatient type-A who yells a lot and needs it done now – You get it done because you take no prisoners. You’re fast to the punch and even faster on the draw. You’re an aggressive disruptor. You work hard and you play hard. You say weekends are for the weak. And I find you really unpleasant. Go away.
The “do this one for a low price, and there will be a lot more later” person – Let’s see… I’ll do cheap work so I can get… more cheap work! What a treat for me!
The “I need this to go viral” person – Err, you do realize that doesn’t happen on demand, right? Trust me, if I could make that happen whenever I wanted, I wouldn’t be here talking to you.
The “This shouldn’t take you more than half an hour” person – I love it when people try and assert their dominance by telling others how long their work should take. You are well on your way to earning your “Impatient Type A” badge. Good job!
(But not for the stuff I just mentioned.)