I get a lot of e-mail from aspiring writers asking for work. I’m almost always nice, and say something like “don’t have any work now” or something similar. Truth is, I already have a few people I use for overflow (yes, I’m talking about you, J, G, and M), and they probably aren’t getting unseated until they wish to. But hey, you never know – maybe someday I get a project where I need five extra hands/pens/whatever – a good “have any work for me” request just might pay off someday.
I got one the other day that won’t pay off, however. But it made me laugh enough to write a post about it:
Hello I am <name deleted> from India. I am a professional writer. I can provide well researched high quality content for you. I have a content provider team of writers. Please give me a chance in your company. I would be highly obliged if you give me a chance. Thanks
I don’t even know where to start here. Let’s break this down a little:
– Ok, you think maybe, just maybe, you could write some type of personal greeting? “Mr. Furman”.. “Dan”.. “Clear-Writing guy”… whatever. I mean, you are a “professional” writer, right? This should be standard stuff.
– I’m not an English teacher, but c’mon… How about some proper punctuation? Like after “Hello”… at least throw a comma in there. Again, professional writer and all.
– Maybe a space or two as well. Just cramming everything together makes it hard to read, Mr. Professional Writer.
– You write “I have a content provider team of writers”. That sentence makes no sense. I understand what you were getting at, but please… that’s something a six year old would write. I understand English is probably not your first language, but you ARE claiming to be a “professional writer” asking this English speaking/writing writer for work, so you get no slack here.
Ok, I’m done ripping the poor guy. May he find work somewhere… but it’s not going to be in writing.
I’ve said earlier that cheap competition from India doesn’t faze me. This kind of stuff is exactly why. Hope you are enjoying your week.